


Not everything has a happy ending

by FOBlovur1824



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Crying, Cute, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan/Phil - Freeform, Depression, Established Relationship, Fighting, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Sad, Sad Phil, Sad dan, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sorry not sorry for this, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, basically being so meaaaan to phil, eventu happy ending, lots and lots of angst, not physical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 20:41:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14723252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FOBlovur1824/pseuds/FOBlovur1824
Summary: Dan and Phil get into a huge fight, and Dan says something he regrets, causing Phil to do something drastic.





	1. Chapter 1

Phil

”I can’t belive you!! I trusted you, and then you accidentally spilled it to our friends? By he end of the day the entire fucking world will know we’re together. You’re so irresponsible. You’re a mess, and I’m so incredibly sick of you. We’re over. We’re done. I don’t want to see you anymore. I want you gone by tomorrow evening.”

Dan left with a dramatic slam of the door. I began to violently sob. Dan, he-he broke up with me. This was incomprehensible. I couldn’t live without Dan. He hated me? The one person I had who believed in me hated me? I hate me too. Why am I bothering? My best friend, my boyfriend, the love of my life, doesn’t want me. 

It’s over. I’m done. I quit. 

I run to the bathroom and grab a bottle of pills. All of Dan’s anti-depressants, some sleeping meds, and anything else I can get my hands on. Next, I grab my razor, then proceed to smash it with a hairbrush. I pull out one of the little blades, careful not to cut my fingers. Ironi . Then finally I grab a piece of paper, a pen, and a bottle of vodka from downstairs. 

I set down everything in front of me. I began my note to Dan.  

 

_Dan,_

_I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry. I love you. With all of my heart. I can’t imagine my life without you. You were the best part of my life. I’m going to miss your soft kisses, and your strong hugs. You wanted me gone, so I’m following your wishes. You won’t have to worry about the world finding out, because I’ll be gone. I’m sorry for everything. I’ll love you for ever. Don’t blame yourself, this was never your fault. I was ruined already. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, even though I didn’t deserve you._

_all my eternal love,_

_phil_

I grabbed my phone, and looked at the time. The last time I would ever see. I pulled up my favorite picture of dan and I together. Then, I started downing the pills with the alcohol. I finished the bottles of pills, and then the rest of the bottle. I started to feel dizzy, faint and extremely queasy. But I needed to make sure to finish what I started. I grabbed the blade, and drug it deep within my arm. 

I watched as the blood poured out of my arm. I grabbed my phone and sent dan one last text. 

_I’m sorry. Thank you for everything. I love you so much. Goodbye._

i leaned up against the chair, and looked at dans beautiful face one last time. Then everything went black. 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Dan**

I couldn’t believe him!! I wanted him to keep our relationship secret, and yet he still told people about it! By the end of today, the whole world will know. I can’t believe I said those horrible things to him. I don’t want to break up of course I don’t. he means to much to me. He is my world. Closeted or not, I’d rather face a lifetime with him than not. I can’t imagine him not in my life. As soon as I calm down I need to apologize. To beg his forgiveness, because he can’t leave me. He’s probably crying his eyes out right now, and it’s my fault. I decided to head back now, and calm down on the way. I hear a ding in my pocket. I hurriedly grab my phone, almost dropping it in the process.

“I’m sorry”

Shit. I knew he’d blame himself. I should have kept a cool head. I know how he gets when he blames himself. I immediately start to type how it’s not his fault and how I love him and how everything is ok, when the next text pops in.

“Thank you for everything”

Oh no! I scared him away. He’s going to leave me. It’s all my fault. I have to try and stop him. I have to make him see. I start running, when my phone buzzes again.

“I love you so much”

He loves me? Isn’t he, isn’t he leaving me? Is this part of his breakup text?

My heart freezes when I see the final text.

“Goodbye.”

Goodbye?? He’s leaving oh no I start to run again, when something clicks within my head. goodbye? This, this couldn’t be a, no. I can’t think like that. Phil wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t leave me like that. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He can’t. He can’t kill himself. Unless, unless he could. What if he did??? I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, and I reached our apartment in no time. I ran up the stairs, unlocked the door and ran inside. It was pitch black. What if he’s… no. I couldn’t think like that. He’s fine. He’s probably asleep.

“PHIL??”

“PHIL. We need to talk. Come downstairs. Please. I love you please.

I see a faint glow on the living room floor. It’s a picture of Phil and I.

“Oh Phil.”

I walk over to grab the phone, when I trip over a lump. Ow. Shit. What the hell was that? I walk over and turn on the lights.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Phil. My love. Phil.”

He’s on the floor, with an empty of vodka in his hand. The closer I look, I notice a bunch of empty pill bottles, and finally blood. Shit. Blood. My gaze lands on his arm, with cuts up and down it, bleeding everywhere. I jump up to the phone and dial 999, requesting an emergency vehicle. I run back over to Phil, and pull his head into my lap, brushing his hair back with my hand. I feel for a pulse, praying that their would be one. There was, but it was faint. So faint, that I almost couldn’t feel it. Oh Phil. What have I done, what have I done?

The ambulance arrives soon, and it loads Phil onto it. I hold his hand the entire way, rubbing circles back and forth on it.

“I’m sorry sir, this is as far as you can go. He is in critical condition. Wait here.”

I nod, a few tears slipping out of my eyes. I can’t cry here. Not yet. I walk to the bathroom, making sure that it is empty, before allowing myself to breakdown completely.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Dan  
I sat out in the waiting room for what felt like days. In reality, it was four hours. Four arduous hours, spent not knowing wether the love of my life would live or not. If he died, I would join him. In a heartbeat.

It’s my fault we’re in this mess, so obviously I should go with him. My chest was so tight, I found it difficult to breathe. What if he really did die?? The last words he ever would have heard from me would be, I want you gone by tomorrow night. I killed him. I killed him. I’m a murderer. A horrible person, who deserves to die and got to hell. I sat there for a few more hours in thoughts filled with self hatred, before I finally dozed off.

  
“Family of Philip Lester?”  
“That would be me.”  
“I’m so sorry for you’re loss. We did everything we could to save him, but in the end, we were unable too.”  
“NO”   
“I’m sorry sir.”  
“What room?”  
“Room 316”

I ran as fast as I could to room 316. I got there and I stood outside of the door for a minute. Could I do this? Could I see him like this? I made a split second decision and walked in. I couldn’t help but let out a sob at the sight before me. He was lying on the bed, so pale. He looked so tiny. I grabbed his hand and sat with him for a few minutes. It felt cold as

“I’m so sorry Phil. For everything. This is all my fault. Please come back. I can’t live with out you. Please don’t leave me.”

As much as I pleaded however, he didn’t come back. He stayed there stiff as stone and cold as ice, dead. Gone from this world, never to return. I would never again kiss his beautiful lips. Or touch his soft face. Or feel his arms around me in his tight embrace. He was gone. I placed one last kiss on his cold lips, before I ran out of there. I ran as fast as I could, for as long as I could. I didn’t look back. I didn’t even look to see where I was going. It didn’t matter. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. And it’s all my fault. My fault. My fault. My. Fault. M y. F a u l t. Mine. I killed him. Murderer. I hate myself. I pushed myself until it hurt. Until all I could feel was the burning pain, pulsing in my limbs. It was the only thing that felt real. It helped me feel something. Helping to drown out the pain. Helping to push out the numbness. Eventually, I couldn’t go anymore, and I collapsed in the street. I curled up in a ball against a tree. I cried until I could no longer cry. And when all my tears were gone, I dry sobbed. And then I screamed.

“WAKE UP”   
I felt someone shaking me.   
“WAKE UP”  
I jolted awake. I was still in the hospital. Phil was alive. He was alive. My heart began to beat again. I sat up awake. I looked around, and everyone in the waiting room was staring at me. I put my head in my hands, and took a few deep breaths. I looked at my phone. 4:00 am. I shook the remaining sleepy ness out of my eyes, then sat there and waited for news of Phil. About another hour later, I finally received news.

“Family of Phil Lester?”  
I jumped up immediately.   
“How is he??”  
“I have good news, and bad news. He’s alive. He made it through surgery. He’s in the ICU, and is still in critical condition. These next 12 hours are crucial. His heart stopped, and he went into cardiac arrest twice, however he managed to pull through. He is very weak, and it will be a long recovery. He should awaken within a few hours.”  
“Thank you. Can I see him?”  
“Yes. Room 210.”  
“Thank you so much.”  
I finally made it to his room. When I made it inside, it was terrible. He looked so pale and tiny in the hospital bed. He was hooked up to so many machines. He looked... but he wasn’t. The beeping of the machines confirmed as much. I pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. I held his hand. It was warm. I rested my head on his hand, and fell asleep, never having felt more grateful in my life. 


	4. Chapter 4

Dan  
A few hours later, Phil still hadn’t woken up. The doctor said that his body was trying to heal, and he probably wouldn’t wake up till tonight. I decided to go home and clean up, and bring some stuff for Phil when he woke up. I was scared at what I would see in that house now that it was daylight.   
I hailed a taxi, and rode home. When I got to the doorstep, I hesitated before walking inside. I was scared. Petrified at what I would see, at what I would feel, and the flashbacks and guilt that I knew would accompany it.   
I finally got the courage to go inside. I opened the door and turned on the lights. When I walked into the living room, the first thing I noticed was the coppery smell. I could smell the blood before I even saw it.   
I sat down and stared at what was in front of me. What if I had lost him?? Before I could continue, I noticed a white piece of paper sitting on the table with my name scrawled in Phil’s beautiful script.   
A note. He left me a note. A suicide note.   
I wasn’t sure if I could handle reading it, however I couldn’t not. I picked it up of the table, and carefully unfolded it as if it was made of glass, waiting to cut me. In a way it was. It was the paper that was going to cut my heart into a thousand pieces.

Dan,   
I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry. I love you. With all of my heart. I can’t imagine my life without you. You were the best part of my life. I’m going to miss your soft kisses, and your strong hugs. You wanted me gone, so I’m following your wishes. You won’t have to worry about the world finding out, because I’ll be gone. I’m sorry for everything. I’ll love you for ever. Don’t blame yourself, this was never your fault. I was ruined already. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, even though I didn’t deserve you.  
all my eternal love,  
Phil  
There were tear drops covering the paper. He had been sobbing when he wrote this. By the time I finished reading this, I was too. How could he think of himself like that??? It was even more my fault then I had originally thought. He was taking himself out of the equation so I wouldn’t even worry about being outed. He’s.. oh god I’m such a selfish person.  
I was going to show him how much I loved him. I had to fix this somehow. I tucked the letter into my pocket, before cleaning up the apartment. I drove to the hospital, before heading back to Phil’s room, awaiting his awakening. 


	5. Chapter 5

Phil  
I woke up to white. Is this heaven? I slowly opened my eyes, scrunching them because the light was so bright. As I slowly became aware, I heard beeping. It grew louder as I came too.   
I failed.   
I looked around me, taking in my surroundings. As I looked to my left, I saw dan. His hair was sticking up in every which way, his clothes were wrinkled, and he looked like he had horrible dark circles under his eyes. His head was laying on my bed, and the rest of him was sitting in the chair. In his hand, he was holding a crumpled up paper.   
Why is he here? Doesn’t he hate me? He broke up with me. He’s only here out of pity, because he feels bad. 

I made the decision to let him go. He didn’t have to be here. He wasn’t chained to me. Whether or not I am still in love with him isn’t his problem. It’s mine. I’ll let him go. I’ll let him go and live his life, and then when he’s finally gone, and happy, I’ll finish what I started.  
I attempted roll over, but in the process, I jostled my arms. It hurt pretty badly, so I yelped.   
Immediately, dan jumped up.   
“PHIL?? You’re, you’re awake! I can’t believe it. Are you hurt? Do you need more pain meds? You’re awake oh my god. Phil I’m so sorry.”   
He grabbed my hand.   
“Dan, you don’t have to be here. I know you don’t love me, and I’m not forcing you to stay with me out of pity. You’re free dan. You don’t have to be here anymore. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”  
Dan looked at me like I had grown two heads.   
“What are you talking about?? Phil, do you really believe that? That I don’t love you?”  
I nodded.   
“Oh my god. What have I done?”  
“ what are you talking about dan?”  
He grabbed my hand.   
“Phil, I’m so so sorry. For everything. For telling you to get out, for being stupid, for being the cause for you to attempt suicide. I’m sorry for making you believe I don’t love you. Phil, I love you with every fiber of my being. You’re sweet, amazing, handsome, and I don’t deserve you. You are my world. Please never forget that.”

“Do you really mean that?”  
“Of course I do.”  
Dan leaned over me, and gave me a kiss.   
“ I love you Daniel Howell.”  
“I love you too Philip Lester.”


	6. Should I continue this as a series?

Should I make this a series? Comment below if you think yes.


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